Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
