Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
