With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
