are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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