Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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