I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
