i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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