After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
