well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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