I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
