if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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