Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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