don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
