i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
