i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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