ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
