Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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