the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
