so explain again why im purple
no
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
