If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
