My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
