maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
