how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i now understand why vodka
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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