My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
