I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
