he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize