i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
