What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
