This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
