She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
