Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
