hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
