did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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