Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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