no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
