How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
