You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
