wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
