Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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