Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
