She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
