I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
