and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
