I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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