I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is her dick bigger than yours?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
