At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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