i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Floor bacon is actually really good
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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