DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
