I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
