He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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