I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
