"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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