I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
