We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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