I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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