Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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