I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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