I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
