Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
