i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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