I just made out with a guy for $7.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
