I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to stick my p in your. b.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
