I cannot find my penis.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
