sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
