Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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