Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
