Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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