You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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